


Losing You Hurt, But Keeping You Was Harder...

by AlphaElixir



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alone, Bad spelling for accents...Sorry, Blood Loss, Blood Loss Caused Blackout, Bunny Makes Mistakes, Bunny has a panic attack, Children of Burgess have Game Systems, Cold, Cutting, F/M, Family, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Ignored, Jerkish!Bunny, Loneliness, M/M, Major Character Death???, Nicknames, North Pole, North/Tooth sort of, Only Friend!Wind, Panic Attacks, Protective Mother!Tooth, Protective!Wind, Raging Tooth, Rating may be explicit in the future, Read with care, Sad Guardians, Some Fluff, South Pole, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal!Jack, cuteness, so much blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:06:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1994403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaElixir/pseuds/AlphaElixir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is done. Just done. What more can a winter spirit do to be included? The Guardians ignore him like before, the kids have game systems and no longer go out to play with him. His only friend is the wind. Well, That's not enough for Jack. He'll end it...if the wind will let him. </p><p>Excerpt:</p><p>Except everything was not well. Jack was sleeping alone in a cave, depression like a fur coat around him, surrounding him in warmth of the dead, and dripping blood from his slit wrists as he dreamed of blissful relief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Giving up

**Author's Note:**

> NEW STORY! Basically Jack is suicidal and depressed and he Guardians find him. Bunny feels like a dick. Tooth feels like she's losing her only child. North feels like he's failed his first and only child in such a way that no amount of Christmas presents (his specialty) could help. Sandy feels like he should have seen this coming, seen the signs, and hates that he didn't.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Thanks a lot, enjoy the story. 
> 
> PS>I got a Lenovo touch 3-in-one and I love it! It will help with a quicker time for uploads and a lot better formatted and written stories. :) YAY!

It wouldn't make sense to anyone else. Jack knew it wouldn't. Truthfully it hardly made sense to him. All he knew was that he liked the pain it brought; the mind numbing ache that made him forget about everything and everyone else. He liked how it blocked out all his other agony.

Jack would never admit just how much pain he kept inside every day. He wouldn't admit to his fake smiles that he’d plaster onto his face to hide said pain. But he did and he knew it and it didn’t make him feel any better. So, he cut. At first the sensation was an accident, a slight cut on his shoulder from the icy caves he was flying through. I hadn't hurt much that time, but it had a sort of reaction. A good reaction.

That happened almost one hundred years ago. And it continued to happen even after he joined the Guardians and defeated Pitch. One would think that with new friends around and a few believers the teenage spirit wouldn’t want to do that anymore, but all was not what it appeared. His believers were five measly children from Burgess (not that he wasn't happy about it but really, only five?), the Guardians never had time for him and therefore, Jack was left alone again. His biggest fear had happened and that alone sent him running for the solitude of his cave and his own icicle.

Jack had thought that with becoming a Guardian, everyone would be like one big happy family; and while he could never replace his human family, a new one was welcome. However, that’s not at all how it happened. Bunny still hated him as far as Jack knew. He still called Jack Frostbite, banned him from his Warren, and made sure the kid stayed in the South Pole at the time of Easter.

Tooth was far too busy collecting teeth to play with him and the same could be said of Baby Tooth. North was always designing new toys and also had no time to play. The Yeti’s got mad at Jack when he tried to visit, saying they couldn’t have him breaking toys…again. And the sandman, when not giving dreams to the world 24/7, needed his own sleep. The children had school and homework and chores; often having to finish them before playing and by now, most had a video game system and stayed indoors.

In short, no one had time to be with Jack Frost. And that made him a sad boy who cut his wrists to forget the pain of everything. Of being used by the Guardians before being forgotten again. Of believers who no longer wanted to play with him outside. Of the absolute loneliness that consumed him. Of the depression he’d sunk into without even realizing it.

So, Jack sat in the cave one Monday night in September, icicle in hand and blood pooling onto the snow below him. There were the beginnings of tears in his eyes as he starred blurrily down at his wrists, so red and raw. And he made another cut, this one long and straight down the vein. Why he did it he himself really wasn't sure but he knew cutting horizontally wouldn’t kill him, wouldn’t hit the vein in a real dangerous manner. But vertically would. And that is what he was hoping for.

And that scared him. Really scared him. He was hoping for death. It startled him at first causing him to set the ice down and just contemplate what it was he was doing.

He was cutting himself to rid himself from the pain and yet he wanted something more? He wanted to…die? That’s not how the Guardian of Fun should feel. Not even close. Yet here he was, cutting the correct way to make it happen. How had he fallen so far into depression to end up like this?

He non-too-softly let his head fall onto the ice wall he was sitting against and just closed his eyes. He could figure it out tomorrow, after a small nap.

What Jack didn’t seem to realize is that his _hope for death_ was hope nonetheless and a certain Bunny could always detect the beginnings of hope. And he detected it now, somewhere in Antarctica. He couldn’t know that the hope was for something like death, he just felt the little surge in the back of his mind telling him it was there and the pull in his heart telling him where.

Now, Bunny already knew that anything from the South Pole had to be from Jack, no other being survived there. And knowing it was Jack lead him to his first mistake of the day. He ignored it. What ever Jack was doing well, it had to have been something _fun_ as he called everything fun. Whatever the Frostbite was doing he didn’t need to check it out.

Bunny went back to painting his eggs and left well enough alone.  

Except everything was not well. Jack was sleeping alone in a cave, depression like a fur coat around him, surrounding him in warmth of the dead, and dripping blood from his slit wrists as he dreamed of blissful relief.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Jack had slept for close to five hours, a self-proclaimed record, before the tingling sensation awoke him. The blood had dried on his wrists, leaving them crusty and dirty, the pain no less than before yet no longer able to mask the forever loneliness that stayed inside him.

He tried to move his arms only to find that they were too numb. He’d lost too much blood. That thought, which often scared so many of the teenagers he’d witnessed do the same thing, didn’t scare him at all. Instead that surge of hope came back and he smiled. For the first time in almost two hundred years Jack Frost really smiled. Had anyone been there to see it they would have understood just how fake his others had been. However, there was none to observe it but the wind. The wind didn’t need to see this smile to know the others. He saw all that concerned the spirit. Knew where he was at all times, what he was doing, and with whom. He knew how the spirit felt at all times. When Tooth was shoving her fingers into his mouth or when Bunny was particularly hateful. He knew because he and Jack had a bond. And that bond was not easily broken.

The wind, feeling loving and worried, brushed Jack’s hair lightly, letting him know that he was there, should the teen want to say anything.

Jack looked up, tears already forming, as he said, “This is it. I’ve lost a lot of blood wind. One more cut and I’ll be done.” At this point he smiled as a tear fell. “Just one more.” Jack picked up the icicle once more and set it to his skin. Wind couldn’t look. It whipped around Jack in a blind furry, pleading in the only way he knew how; a storm. Snow was picked up from the ground and slung into the air in a tornado of wind. In seconds, outside the little cave a storm was raging, and the wind howled.

Jack looked out with almost already dead eyes. This didn’t surprise him either. For a while now it had really only been him and the wind and he knew that if he were to ever actually leave, the wind would be the only one to miss him. The wind would be the only one to mourn him. That thought hurt a little but at the same time, at least Jack could say that someone loved him.

He lifted the ice to his wrist on last time but it was roughly knocked from his hand by the strongest gust of wind Jack had ever felt. He stared out into the white abyss, looking momentarily pissed before folding into a ball and crying. He couldn’t even stop the pain because wind wouldn’t let him. In his delirious mind, wind had betrayed him by making him suffer more than he needed to. This to Jack was the finishing blow. He hated living but couldn’t die. So he cried.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Bunny was busy planting more seeds for the upcoming Easter next year. He’d already picked the perfect flowers that would create the best colors. As he planted them, one by one in rows of sixty, he suddenly felt a tug on that little bit of hope that had hit him earlier. He was getting a little curious as to what the winter spirit was doing but at the same time he had better things to do than go check up on a cold spirit who always played stupid pranks on him or called him names. Seriously, he in no way looked anything like a kangaroo, right? Bunny shook his head of the thoughts and went back to placing seeds into the dirt.

It wasn’t but five or so minutes when Bunny saw the Northern Lights light up one of his tunnels. Of course North would call him for something. Of course. Bunny loped to the tunnel and at a moderate pace made his way to the Pole.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Bunny was the last one to arrive, already figuring it wasn’t anything real important, assuming it had anything to do with the big man’s stomach. North just needed to eat more vegetables, all those sweets were probably just giving the man a tummy ache. He just got lucky with Pitch.

“So what’s the hold up here?” Bunny asked harshly. He thrust his finger at North and then to his stomach. “This ‘ad better not ‘ave anytin’ to do with ya stomach.”

North would have chuckled at Bunny but things seemed too serious for that. “Iz Jack. In South Pole wind has created storm. Very bad storm. We must go zee what iz wrong.”

Bunny face palmed. “The brat’s fine. I can feel his hope, he’s probably just releasing some tension or somethin’.

Tooth shook her head. “No, he wouldn’t just create a storm like that Bunny. And even if he did we should still go see, just to make sure he’s alright.”

Sandy nodded furiously from his position behind Tooth.

“I ain’t wastin’ my time lookin for Frostbite when he’s doin’ his own job.”

This seemed to anger Tooth. Something the other Guardians had noticed when Jack joined the group is how it brought out “Momma Tooth.” She was almost hell on wheels if Jack was hurt in any way. Often Bunny was at the receiving end of many a flame holding glare while she stood being Jack so he wouldn’t see. Bunny often tried to look away only for her to swivel her body to meet his eyes again with the same level of vicious stare.

“I said, we are going,” Tooth said with finality. Bunny could not argue, even when North shouted they would take the sleigh. Tooth called the shots, pulled the reigns, and wore the pants when it came to Jack. Bunny would not test her resolve of keeping the kid safe.

When they arrived at the South Pole the winds were raging so much, whipping around the sleigh as if it were the snowflakes that North could no longer control it or the reindeer and was forced to land. Bunny couldn’t have been happier as he leapt from the flying contraption that North wouldn’t admit was a death trap.

North pulled out something from his pockets and said Jack’s name into it. Bunny tried to see what it was but he was shivering so violently that even his eye sight was blurry. It was so much colder here than at the North Pole. And Bunny knew he had Jack to thank for it.

“So, how do we find ‘im?” Bunny yelled. North chuckled before holding the thing up. It looked like a remote control with a small screen at the top.

“Iz device for finding Guardians. Can find any one of us with this,” North yelled back. The wind picked up force again and slammed into the Guardians. Tooth and Sandy were knocked to the ground, Bunny and North knocked back a few steps as well.

“What the ‘ell his the bloody drongo doing?!”

“That’s what we came to find out. Where is he North?” Tooth asked.

North took off in a direction that everyone assumed lead to Jack.

~~LINE BREAK~~

The walk was long and harsh on all of them. Tooth’s wings were nearly frozen so North had given her his giant coat that, draped from her shoulders, made her look like a child playing dress up in their parents clothes. North shivered harshly, matching Bunny who tried to hop from foot to foot in an attempt to keep them somewhat form the cold snow beneath. It really wasn’t working well. Sandy had created layer after layer of sand clothes and even he still shivered.

When North’s tracker beeped everyone sighed. They were finally close. North looked around, spinning in a few circles looking for Jack but he couldn’t see him.

“Where is he North?” Tooth asked. She tugged the coat closed and shivered inside it. The warmth that was there from being worn by North had already vanished miles ago.

“Tracker says here,” North replied.

Bunny couldn’t take the cold anymore. His feet were already frozen, snow and ice clung to his fur, and his eyes were hurting. He eyes a small cave and after tapping North on the shoulder and pointing, sprinted to it. He figured if nothing else it would block the wind. He never thought he’d see what he did when he entered.

Lying on the ground, curled up in the fetal position with tears dried to his face and more settling in his eyes, was Jack. His hoodie sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows and while his usually white skin could be seen just fine, the red splotches stuck out that much more. His wrists were varying shades of red, from bright red due to it being new blood to the dried deep red. Bunny gasped and darted to the boy.

“Jack? Jack! Mate, wake up!”

The others had followed Bunny and were silent as they too took a moment to take in what they saw. They were frozen in place as Jack began to stir.

“What?” Jack asked still very out of it.

“What the bloody ‘ell happened?!” Bunny yelled at him. Jack visibly flinched.

“Why are you guys here?” Jack was scurrying to sit up, pushing Bunny away with all the strength he had. Bunny compared it to a summer breeze.

“What ya mean? We came ta find ya,” Bunny replied.

“Find me? But, I’m not lost,” Jack’s mind wasn’t completely awake yet and Bunny could tell. He took another look at the wounds on Jacks arms as Jack tried to push him away again. That’s when Bunny understood.

“Ya did this to ya self,” he whispered. There was a collective gasp from their audience and Tooth surged forward, shoving Bunny away with the force of the raging storm outside.

“Jack, tell me you didn’t.” When Jack only looked away Tooth sobbed into her hands. “Why?”

Jack felt the lump only grow in his throat, how could he tell Tooth that he was trying to kill himself? Answer, he didn’t. He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. The ball in his throat prevented it, prevented him from merely breathing.

“Jack…” North inched forward, aware that Jack frightened easily and would eventually try to run. He picked up Jack’s staff and frowned deeper when Jack released a small animalistic whine at the loss of it.

“Tell us what happened,” Tooth demanded. She gently took Jack’s chin in her hand and turned his face towards her, forcing eye contact.

“I just…The wind wouldn’t let me anyway. It really doesn’t matter,” Jack said. The others tried to piece together the bits of information but all any of them could get was that the storm outside was the wind protecting Jack and calling them here.

“That’s not an explanation, Sweet Tooth,” Tooth told him gently. Her voice sounded so much like a mothers that again tears filled Jack’s eyes. 

“Explain things Frostbite,” Bunny said. Jack flinched and inhaled deeply, knowing there was no way out of the long explanation that awaited him. Yet the heavens smiled upon him as he blacked out again.

The Guardians were shocked. Tooth let out a shrill scream and tried to wake Jack up but when all she tried failed she told Bunny to pick him up, they had to get him attention immediately. Bunny did. Jack felt like a snow flake in his arms; the kid literally didn’t weigh anything. Though Bunny really wasn’t surprised, he looked like Tooth in North’s coat in just his hoodie and his mode of transportation was the wind. Really Bunny more expected him to be light.

No one really looked forward to the trek back to the sleigh, Bunny especially, but they all swallowed their complaints and rushed out into the blizzard. They may have reached halfway when the wind calmed. He had sensed Jack’s safety, watched his “friends” cart him off for medical work and figured it was only a kind thanks that he calm down now that Jack was out of harm’s way. By his own hand.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Bunny ran to the fire after they had dropped Jack off in North’s infirmary with several Yeti. He parked his butt on the rug and stuck all four feet at the fire. The sight was hilarious, yet no one laughed. There was no joy in the room, no fun about his antics. All any of them could think about was Jack, lying in the bed with blood soaked clothes and his flesh tore open in jagged shreds. Tooth had to cover her mouth at the pictures that formed in her mind. Her little boy was in there and it was her fault. She hadn’t paid him any mind after defeating Pitch and she knew better. This was a slap in the face, a wakeup call for her. She’d made another mistake to add to her ever growing list. She took a seat on the arm rest of North’s recliner and sighed.

North watched as Tooth sat on the arm of his chair. It had been her spot for centuries now. They hadn’t been together long, really only for a decade or so but they were not into much public displays of affection. Tooth would gush at something occasionally but they never kissed around any of their friends.

However, right now North needed that attention and hoped Tooth would allow it. He sat in his plush seat and pulled her down into his lap. She came willingly. North pecked her on the side of her mouth and leaned back, waiting for her reaction. When she simply smiled at him sadly, North wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, allowing her to cuddle into his chest and cry silently.

Sandy had taken to the couch opposite them. He wasn’t paying any attention to them, more focused in his mind as to the sights that he saw about Jack and never paid attention to as he should have. Often, his dream trails would fall to Burgess Lake where all knew Jack occupied. He’d feel the tug on them, felt the way they instantly shifted into dolphins. He knew Jack had touched them and this was the cause. He’d feel the slightest bit harder tug and then a small push. As if Jack had tugged on the strand, hoping to get his attention before realizing how selfish it was and pushed the strand back. Sandy thought nothing of it but that Jack didn’t want to sleep just yet and would recall the strand. This happened night after night.

Sandy remembered when he’d meet Jack flying somewhere, on his way to deliver surprise snow days. The kid always looked restless and defensive. As if Sandy would snatch his staff away and allow the kid to plummet to Earth. Sandy would simply wave, wait for the return wave, before zooming off to another part of the world to further deliver sweet dreams. And as he sped away he clearly remembered the look of dissatisfaction on the boy’s face. As if he had wanted to say something, but didn’t and clearly regretted the lost chance.

Sandy rubbed at his eyes, ready beyond belief for a nap, and laid his head down. As long as Jack was asleep, he would be too.

After Bunny had warmed himself he remained on the floor. He’d noticed Tooth and North, watched Sandy’s flickering emotions before he lied down and knew that they were all self-reflecting on their past interactions with Jack. He hated to admit it but even he knew he was the worst of them all. He’d never, not once, had a gentle conversation with Jack that lasted more than a few words. The only one he could think of was at the time of Easter, before Pitch, when he had been sitting on the hill with Sophie.

That thought got him thinking. Easter of ’68 had been their first meeting and that had set the tone for every single one afterward. Bunny had shoved at the spirits soft spots because he knew they would hurt. Being called a Kangaroo wasn’t half as bad as he always made it seem. In fact, something he would tell no one was, he actually loved it. It was a cute nickname that always brought a smile to the boy’s face. He’d laugh at Bunny’s reactions and fly around in circles to taunt him more and well, Bunny liked that. It made him feel a little more like a family. True, he didn’t really see Jack as his brother, didn’t even know what part of the family to classify him as, he just knew that he liked it. He thought Jack was cute when he smirked and called him a kangaroo.

Bunny doubted he’d see much more of that smile now. The kid was in mental disarray. Cutting himself was one thing but Bunny had gotten a good look at Jack’s wrists before. He knew the basics from watching kids and teenagers. He knew that horizontal was cutting, vertical was suicide. Jack had plenty of cuts on his arms but the freshest ones where vertical, directly over a very important vein.

Bunny keened as he leaned forward over his knees. Jack had tried to kill himself. He’d been so tired, so hurt that he didn’t want to live anymore. In a way Bunny saw this as a rejection. He hadn’t deserved acceptance with the way he acted toward Jack but it still hurt none the less. His cute little family member had given up and he hadn’t been there.

Wait…Bunny raised his head to look at the fire as the thought. Earlier Jack had been feeling hope. A small surge at first but it grew. If this is what Jack was doing then…what was that hope for? Was it hope that wind cared and therefore maybe the Guardians did too? Or was it something much worse? Was Jack hoping that he’d finally done it; killed himself when he blacked out? Oh gosh, that sent the always hopeful Easter Bunny into a full on panic attack. He couldn’t breathe, his eyesight becoming funky shapes and a blending of colors. He began rocking back and forth in hopes of calming himself down but it didn’t do a thing.

Tooth noticed.


	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack awakens and the Guardians have a conversation that leads to sad moments. And a small realization about Frostbite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. Gosh. Guys, thanks so much for the reviews! Please don't worry, I will update this story but it might take a few days in-between. I can't believe how popular it is after just a few days! YAY! This is a lot shorter chapter, sorry, but I liked the stopping point. It might not be as sad as the first chapter but it had to be a little happy right? So, this is Jack's confrontation with the Big Four.

Tooth noticed. She flew over to Bunny. She cradled him, rubbing soothing circles into his back. Bunny still couldn’t quite catch his breath. He grabbed at his chest ruff and pulled, hoping that somehow a little pain could help lessen the agony from his lungs struggling to fill.

Tooth, bless her patience, soothed him further by murmuring just the right words. She cooed to him that nothing could turn back time, that Jack would never have to go back to anything he’d felt before because they knew, they were there now. And that’s what counted. She smiled down at him and said that he would never let Jack feel that hopeless again because he knew. She told him that he was not a horrible Guardian, they just made a group mistake. One they would fix.

While she said this Sandy bobbed in the background, awoken by Bunny’s wheezing as he struggled to breathe. He nodded a few times with her words, figuring that should Bunny look up he would feel more of the encouragement. North rubbed at his temple, fully feeling his thousands of years of spirit-hood. He had watched children grow up, made toys to suit every child’s special need and want yet he couldn’t do such a thing for Jack. No…couldn’t was the wrong word. He wouldn’t. Before, North had put him on the naughty list and while he checked both lists twice, he hardly gave Jack a second thought, assuming that the winter spirit only loved mischief and therefore would never change his ways and never earn a spot on the nice list. Even after helping to defeat Pitch and telling the kid himself that he had “whipped clean the slate,” he still hadn’t prepared Jack a gift. Realizing this North sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. He felt old.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Jack awoke to plain white walls and a bed with a single sheet draped across his body. He thought he’d still be in pain after what happened. That or he’d be blissfully floating above the Earth on never ending clouds smiling at Manny as he watched over the world. He felt neither.

Jack moved to sit up, the white sheet falling from his torso to pool around his waist. He looked down only to spot an almost white chest with a small amount of bruising left over from his few attempts into the Warren where he’d miscalculated the turns and ran into roots and walls of dirt. That, however, is not what caught his eyes. It was the completely white bandages that held onto his wrists in what felt like a death grip yet not all the same. It felt tight, yet his wrists were numb. He didn’t know how that made sense but it did.

The bandages were wrapped neatly, suggesting a very informed yeti did the honors. Jack smiled before the memories hit him. He remembered the cave and Wind’s panic. He remembered Bunny and Tooth and Sandy and North all leaning over him. He remembered Bunny’s shocked sounding voice as he whispered the words, “ _ya did this to ya self?_ ” He remembered the way everyone gasped and how he fainted. And now he was lying on an infirmary bed at the Pole.

Why couldn’t he have just died?

Jack looked at the ceiling, mortal dread of having to see the Guardians appearing on his face as he clenched his eyes shut and sighed. _Okay Jack, let’s go._ He thought.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Bunny was stilled keened over and wheezing when a frosty chill ran up his spine and back down. He shivered, alerting Tooth to the same chill and they both glanced up to meet Jack as he stood in the doorway, new pajama pants hanging low from his waist and naked from the rest up. The bandages were still there and his staff was still gone. Bunny sighed and before he knew it, his breathing had evened out.

“Jack, how are you feeling Sweet Tooth?” Tooth asked. Jack spared her a glance before returning his stare to his feet. He wiggled a few of his toes before answering.

“I’m fine.”

As if those words weren’t a lie. As if they hadn’t found him trying to kill himself alone. As if they were going to believe that.

“No, ya not,” Bunny so thoughtfully added. Jack didn’t look up.

“Jack, you ask questions now. We answer,” North said. He leaned back in his chair and watched as Jack quickly glanced at him, his eyes a little wide in surprise before once again turned to the floor. North had a fair amount of time to come up with idea. They could ask Jack questions until his face turned blue and his voice gone but it wouldn’t accomplish anything. While the Guardians were curious and dying to ask, Jack needed to ask his questions first. That way he didn’t get scared and run off. Literally run off considering North still hid his staff.

“Okay…why?”

“Why what, mate?” Bunny pulled himself up, leaning back on his haunches to appear normal, steadier and in control. Tooth flew back over to sit in North’s lap again, already knowing that wherever this conversation would take the five of them, she’d need North to help her along.

“Why did you save me?” Jack asked quietly.

Bunny whined and leaned forward just a little as he felt the almost physical punch to his heart. The fact that Jack had asked why was the hardest blow he’d taken yet. It was as if Jack really didn’t know they cared. And that was probably the real problem here.

“I know we messed it up, but we do care ‘bout ya, Frostbite,” Bunny replied once he’d gotten the strength too. Everyone seemed to have taken that blow just as hard. Each one curled into themselves the tinniest bit. Sandy, the one who had done nothing to reassure their child floated to the ground where he simply observed. His part would partake at night, when Jack seemed to need him most. For now he would step back, allow the others their problem solving time.

“Da, we have messed up royally, as they say, and we sorry,” North added.

Jack hardly looked convinced. In his mind thoughts were racing the Daytona 500. They were sorry yet they let it happen? Wasn’t that what the said about the first 300 years of his existence? What does it change that they say it again now? Wouldn’t they just do it again? When they did, how far would Jack fall? Harder than this? Would he try something more drastic than just a cut? Probably; and that’s why he couldn’t allow himself to let them in again.

“Bunny…Why do you hate me?” There were tears appearing in the boys eyes again and Bunny almost ran over to hug him close and nuzzle his neck. This was not the Jack Frost he knew and he hated it. He hated himself for causing it. Because, in all honesty, hadn’t he? He called Jack hurtful names, shoved the kid down and when he could get no lower, stomped on him with crueler words like, _worse than useless, you don’t even exist, not believed in,_ the list goes on and on. He’d made sure that the kid would never get back up without even really seeing the damage it did. He thought that the always carefree and happy Jack could never fall…and that was mistake number one in their relationship.

“I don’t. I really don’t.”

“But…you call me Frostbite.”

“That’s just a nickname,” Bunny sounded confused and tilted his head a little to the side by pure instinct.

“No, it’s not…You-You’ve been calling me that when you don’t even know what that means?” Jack asked. Again his voice sounded quiet and small, as if his voice had been unused for so long that he couldn’t actually use it.

“I…what’s it mean to ya then?” Bunny asked. He knew he wouldn’t like the answer but he needed to know.

“Frostbite means death of body parts due to extreme cold. You’re calling me death by cold. Not that you’re wrong but…if you didn’t hate me, you wouldn’t call me that right?” 

Wow, Bunny felt like a down right ass. He’d been calling the kid that ever since he’d met him. He hadn’t thought much of it past that it was a decent nickname for the kid because his last name was Frost. He really should have thought about it more. He should have known that it was a hurtful nickname, after all hadn’t he chosen it to be that way? He didn’t even remember any more.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’ll call ya something less…that. How ‘bout Snowflake? Cute, nice and simple.” Bunny had the tiniest flicker of hope in his eyes that was immediately returned by Jack’s. He smiled. Jack did not.

“Why did you leave me?” That was the million dollar question. It hurt the Guardians and it caused the tears in their young friends’ eyes to fall; small, crystal like tear drops shattered on the floor.

Bunny tried to get closer to him but Jack shook his head violently in return.

“NO! Answer the question! Why? You wanted my help, said we were a family – then you all just leave – acted – like I – didn’t even – exist.” His hiccupping destroyed the sentence a bit but they understood nonetheless. They had left Jack to his own devices, left him after telling him of all the things he’d missed that he now got, only to rip them away by their own negligence. Jack had every right to be mad at them and more.

“Jack, I’d love to give you an answer but there isn’t one. Only a lot of excuses and we can’t give you those. We were wrong to ignore you again. Everyone got caught up in their own thing again, and we forgot you, I won’t deny it. But we are so sorry that it happened.” Tooth had her own set of tears in her eyes. They twinkled with the bright colors of her feathers and for the slightest moment Jack was mesmerized. He’d always found Tooth pretty, as one might look at their own mom dressed up for date night would.

“…so, do you want me then?” If any of them thought Jake was whispering before they didn’t know what to call this. Bunny, with his advanced animalistic hearing, heard it fine but the others had to strain forwards a bit. It hit them hard in the hearts again.

Jack didn’t know if he really wanted to ask this question but it was already out. This question was what he feared the most. That no matter how hard he tried or how good he did the Guardians would never want him.

“Yeah, Snowflake, we really do,” Bunny said gently. He tried taking another step further and when Jack didn’t reject it he bounded at the boy and squeezed him tight. On second thought that probably hadn’t been the best move but somehow Bunny just couldn’t imagine it going any other way. This is what family did when they solved a feud right? Giant celebratory hugs and all that? Well, Bunny didn’t really care. In all honesty the smooth body pressed against his guard fur felt wonderful and he wondered only for the briefest of seconds, why? He then proceeded to chin the top of Jack’s head, much to the teen’s distress.

To Jack this was an outright attack. Bunny had been lying to him the hole time and now that Jack had let his guard down he was attacking. By holding him…really tight…that didn’t actually sound right. He tried to push away from the rabbit as much as he could (which earned him maybe two centimeters) before Bunny pulled him right back in. Then he started to rub his chin on Jack’s head. That had Jack thoroughly confused. What?

“Okay mate, I think it’s time we had a little talk. You clearly don’t have as much an issue with the rest of ‘em as ya do with me,” Bunny said as he moved the barest of two inches back.

“I...I don’t have the issues. I thought you did.”

“Well, we’ll go sort that all out, okay?”

The corners of Jack’s lips twitched and with it the hope in Bunny spurned a whole new life. That small sign signaled that Jack could be fixed. Would be fixed. That was all the Guardian of Hope needed. He just needed Jack to have that small hope inside and he’d be able to make it grow.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Bunny had opened a tunnel and after a few goodbyes from the rest of the group, hoped down it with the winter teen in his arms. Jack wasn’t sure if he liked the warmth that radiated from Bunny but he knew for sure he could get used to the soft fur that surrounded him. And yes, that was a thought Jack never actually wanted to have yet it was there, spinning around in his mind even after Bunny had let him go and both sat on the same hill as before Easter. They stared out over the fields of the Warren almost three feet of space between them.

“Um, Jack. To start this shindig why don’t you start with what really happened the Easter of ’68,” Bunny said. He exhaled and waited. When Jack didn’t immediately answer he turned to look at him. Jack had grabbed his now cleaned hoodie from one of the Yeti before leaving the Pole. Bunny now noticed just how big it had always looked on Jack. His old pants had been replaced by a pair of jeans and somehow Bunny couldn’t look away.

What he was feeling looking at the spirit is not, repeat not, what a family member would feel. That mildly scared him. He’d been alone for so long now, seeing as his race had been exterminated long ago, and he was not ready to search out another mate. Yet that is what his heart was hammering in his chest for. Jack was almost like the younger male version of his previous mate. She had been an excitable bunch of white fur with her markings a vibrant silver that stretched all the way down her arms and her back. She had been everything he’d wanted and they had planned to have kits in the near future but she had died before the chance.

“Bunny?” Jack’s voice pierced into Bunny’s thoughts and he jerked to look at him.

“Yeah mate?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

It took Bunny a few seconds to remember what he’d asked Jack but when he did his features softened and he scooted the barest of an inch closer. “Listen Jackie, I know I hurt ya then and I can’t make it better now but I want ta know. What happened to cause that blizzard?”

Jack bit his lip and curled around his knees, his fingers stretching the fabric of his sleeves in replacement of his staff that North still refused to give him.

“Well, I’d tried before to make friends. I just wanted someone, anyone, to see me but all the spirits I tried to talk to me were mean to me.” Bunny could hear the childishness in Jack’s voice. He could only imagine Jack, seemingly new to being a spirit, with a large smile on his face as he bounced from foot to foot saying hi to every spirit he met. Bunny couldn’t stop the small smile on his face.

“The Groundhog was the first I’d met that year. I tried saying hi but he yelled at me. Said that he predicted an early spring and that I didn’t know my place because I hadn’t left. I wanted to explain things to him, let him know that I wasn’t bringing more winter that I just wanted to talk to him. But he slapped me and was about to punch me when I fled. I’d heard a few other spirits over the next few months talk about the Easter Bunny and how he was the Guardian of childhood, hope to be exact. And I thought---I thought that maybe…since I’d always be a child and I _hoped_ to have a friend that maybe you’d…”

Jack had stopped, swallowing hard to keep the emotions from his voice but Bunny had heard it. He leaned forward to see Jacks face only to jerk back when he saw the tears falling. What was he supposed to do with those?

“Jack, it’s alright mate,” Bunny scooted closer and threw his arm across Jack’s shoulders. He was further surprised by his arms full of winter spirit yet again. Jack clutched almost painfully to his chest ruff and icy pebble sized crystals rolled down his skin under his fur. Bunny suppressed a shudder from the cold and held Jack tighter. Jack wouldn’t be an easy fix, but Bunny would be there every step of the way that it took.


	3. Jack's Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Bunny are in the Warren talking when things become to much for Jack and he runs off. He has no idea what tunnel he runs to and through but he knows he has to get away from Bunny and the feelings. Mysteriously, there is a nice, sharp rock and warm, red liquid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH! I just love you guys. I'm so sorry this took forever but every time I tried to start this chapter I erased it cause it was just awful. So, finally! Here is chapter three. Enjoy! Leave comments about what you guys would like to see! 
> 
> Also, Oh my god guys! This chapter. Up to the first line break is pretty bad but after that the writing is better, however, the ending is...depressing doesn't cut it. (No pun intended I am so sorry) I think I might have crossed a line...

The warren had been quiet for some time now and Jack had begun to fidget within Bunny’s grasp. Bunny had since loosened his grip but had yet to let the winter spirit go.

“Uh, Bunny? I’m okay now so…” Jack tried to pull away only to be met with the strength of the Easter Bunny. Strong, muscled arms held him close and even though Bunny had heard Jack’s words, he still refused to let him go. He needed to know that Jack was still there, still alive despite his attempts earlier.

Jack however, did not need the warmth from Bunny around him in the already perpetually warm Warren. He tried to pull away again after a few minutes, when the heat seemed to become too much for him, and thankfully, Bunny moved back.

“I’m sorry, I get it. I do. You tried to get my attention an’ your powers got out of hand, right?” Bunny asked. He waited for the nod from Jack before mumbling to himself about his own stupidity and carelessness. He took a few minutes to think about that day so long ago.

Bunny had eyed the spirit from afar with rage in his eyes and unsheathed claws already digging into the wood of his boomerangs. The winter spirit, now that he thought about it, had looked nauseous, worried and uncertain. He’d been too angry to see it then but he remembered it now. Jack had looked upset and worried and Bunny hadn’t helped the kid out at all. Instead, he rushed over and started yelling about his holiday and poor children who didn’t get to hunt eggs because of him.

“I’m sorry,” Bunny said again. Jack had been sitting, watching the Easter Bunny as he thought about something. He didn’t know what, but the pain in his eyes was enough to make him turn away for the time being. He tugged harder at the sleeves of his hoodie before the anxious feeling inside him made him start to scratch at the bandages around his wrist. Bunny talked and surprised him.

“No, it was my fault. I did lose control but I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have even made it snow on Easter, that was my fault Bunny it was stupid. I’m stupid---“

“Shut it Frost.” Bunny couldn’t take this talk from him. Not when he knew the kid was lying. What part of this or that Easter had been his fault? The snow? It was an accident and Bunny had almost punched him over it.

“Look kid, I was wrong and we’re gonna move on now. Why didya do it? I know the basics but I want ta hear it from ya.” Bunny took a calming breath and waited. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, that it would hurt like hell to hear but at the same time he needed to know. Needed to understand somehow what their youngest was thinking and feeling.

“Do we have to talk about it?” Jack asked. Bunny sighed. Maybe it was a little soon for this conversation.

“We can wait a tic. How about we rest for a while and then ya can tell me all about it?” Jack nodded almost furiously. Bunny could have suggested running a marathon and Jack would have still agreed just as enthusiastically. As long as he didn’t have to talk about his feelings.

Bunny sighed and stood, holding out a paw for Jack to take and a small smile gracing his face. Jack looked up at him, blinked, and took his hand but he did not smile. There was no reason to. He was here only because Bunny had forced him to come.

~~LINE BREAK~~

That moment had been four days ago. Jack had slept in Bunny’s nest, at the farthest side so they never touched and stayed in the Warren, either starring after the egglets, watching Bunny paint eggs or plant seeds, or taking short walks up and down the many hills, during the day. He never asked to leave and never made any attempt to do so himself. In fact, he hardly talked to Bunny at all. He would brush off any casual interaction and flee. When Bunny brought up the suicide topic, Jack would simply say he didn’t want to talk about it and walk away, as if it was a small matter in his eyes and he found no reason to bring it up…ever again.

Bunny was not a patient being. That is known throughout all spirits of the world. Even some of the kids he now spoke to knew so. Bunny simply had a hard time of waiting. He had forever to wait and yet it almost physically hurt him to do so. He got antsy and anxious.

That is why, four days after Jack arrival to the Warren, Bunny called Jack over and had him sit beside him on a hill not far from his tunnels. Jack had seemed somewhat content in doing so, not really nervous anymore and he wasn’t trying to strangle the sleeves of his hoodie so Bunny thought that was a good enough sign to push the issue a bit.

“Hey, Snowflake, we need ta have a little chitchat.” Bunny looked anywhere but Jack’s face, feeling bad about knowingly forcing the matter but as stated, patience is not his virtue.

“I don’t want to talk about it Bunny,” Jack replied almost violently. He curled around his legs, pulling his knees to his chest and huffing.

“I know ya don’t but we need ta talk ‘bout it at some point and I think it’s ‘bout time,” Bunny said. He pulled at the grass around his feet and waited for Jack to reply.

“I guess. It’s just…I don’t know. I’ve been doing it for a while and I just…it suddenly got so much harder to fake a smile and laugh. I didn’t have anyone again and when I realized that…” Jack had begun to cry again, tears streaming down his face as he let the feelings wash over him. He’d been almost in a numb state of mind while staying in the Warren but Bunny had asked him to talk about it and that had brought back the feelings. The knowledge that he was alone, that no one wanted him enough to care whether he slept in a tree or on the ground. To care where he went or what he did. He remembered how alone he was and the feelings that came with that knowledge hurt again. Twisted at his heart until salt water spilled from his eyes and froze upon his check to crystals that shattered, much like his mind at the moment, upon the grass covered Earth.

Bunny didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. Did he lean over and hug the spirit again or let the kid cry in peace and wait? He didn’t know. Bunny hadn’t had any practice with children or in this case, teenage spirits. Jack was a first and that meant Bunny had to do this for the first time and the right way, least he screw it up and hurt Jack more.

“Okay, I get that. Why did ya feel alone? We were busy but we were here,” he said. Bunny smiled gently at Jack and when it was returned with a sneer he flinched back.

“Here?! No! You weren’t! None of you were!” Jack swiped at his face before continuing. “North was making toys all the time, the Yetis never let me in. Tooth and her girls never stepped away from collecting teeth to even say hi when I tried to visit. Sandy was asleep or casting dreams and needed to focus and always on the run somewhere. And you---you hate me. You forbid me in here,” he gestured to the Warren at large, “told me I’m never good enough all the times we’ve been together and---and always bring up that I’m not believed in. You called me cold death, again not that you’re wrong, and you yell at me all the time. No one is there for me! Don’t lie to my face!” Jack had started out yelling but near the end he’d simmered down, the rage and anger fading to cold sadness and hurt. He was breathing hard from the short outrage and Bunny couldn’t blame him. What part was false?

“Ya right. We weren’t there, but we should have been. I’m sorry. But Jack, if ya had just told us this is how ya were feeling---“

“NO! You don’t get to blame this on me. I tried to talk to everyone at some point but you all pushed me away! I won’t take the blame on this!” Jack jumped up from where he sat, tears still streaming down his face, and bolted. Bunny had thought that Jack wouldn’t be able to get away without his staff but he hadn’t counted on Jack being a track star runner.

He was still too stunned to put together what exactly had happened but if someone were to question him he’d say he had said something to upset Jack and then he vanished. Into thin air.

Jack however, had run into one of Bunny’s many tunnels and never looked back. The tunnel was dark and he’d hated the dark since his run in with Pitch at his hole-in-the-ground hide out. But it did not stop him, if anything it made him run faster, as he sprinted away from Bunny. Away from his feelings and his pain. He didn’t think it would work and he was rewarded for being right with a dull ache in his chest from the lack air, the mild thrum in his legs from the work out and the heaving for air at the end of it. The tunnel hadn’t let out yet but he didn’t care. All he needed right now was ice and peace. Ice…he couldn’t make ice and snow without…his staff. Which North still had at the Pole.

Jack threw his back against the wall, taking small joy in the pain it caused, and slumped to the floor. This was great. His life was great. A great, giant ball of disappointment and pain really. He just wanted it to end.

“I just want to end it,” Jack said. His voice was almost broken, the tone almost depleted and gone. The tears were back with a vengeance and he hiccupped in the silence. Jack Frost was done. He had tried to be everything his name entitled for Manny, had done what was asked of him for the Guardians and did his job in regards to his powers. But right now, at this very moment, Jack Frost was done. He could see no reason now, to live any longer. The only problem? How did he die? How did one end things when one was a spirit. When things had already been done. When one had already died, how did one die again?

Jack did not have the answer for this. He had tried only cutting and that had failed him. There were so many other ways if only he had his staff. But he had no way of getting it. No drive to get it either. He just wanted…to disappear. Jack thought that one more time and the maniacal laughter that filled the tunnel would have put Pitch to shame. What in the world was funnier than a spirit who hated being alone, hated never being seen actually wanted to disappear? To Jack? Nothing. Absolutely nothing was funnier and he laughed louder than he ever had before at the very thought.

 _This is Jack Frost…_ Jack thought as he stared up at the ceiling of the tunnel, imaging looking up at the moon. _You pulled me from the afterlife for this? Fine. But you are just as guilty as they are. You gave me a name, and left me. My creator. I hope you’re happy._ Jack smiled into the darkness and slammed his fists down into the dirt. He knew it would hurt but the small rock he’d hit hurt a bit more than he’d expected. A rock.

Jack moved his hand around in a circle until he felt it again. He picked the rock up and turned it over and over in his hands. The rock was large, circular mostly but at one section it jutted out into a sharp point about three inches or so. Not sharp like his ice or even relatively that of a blade but it was sharp in any case. Jack felt a cold smile form on his face as he brought the sharp end to his bandaged wrist and thrust it straight down. It pierced through the bandage but only left a dent in his skin. Jack did the action once again, this time with all the force he could muster, and the stone hit vein. He could feel the blood begin to ooze from his arm and drip to the dirt below. Even though he couldn’t see it he smiled down at it. There was a disturbing suction noise as he withdrew the stone. He repeated the motion over and over again until the rock had hit bone and then Jack had laid his arm down and repeated it again and again and again until his bone snapped and the rock hit the dirt on the other side. How he managed not to scream was purely by the joy he felt inside. To him there was no other feeling in his entire body.

Then he moved up a little and repeated it all over again. Jack Frost wouldn’t be bringing any more snow days or fun times. He would not be smiling or laughing. He would not be bringing winter any more. And he couldn’t be happier.

Somewhere, unbeknownst to Bunny or any of the other beings that populated the Earth, there was one lone winter spirit who had more joy than any of them and the price had been a little steep. But he would pay it in full and he would do so with a smile on his face.

~LINE BREAK~~

Bunny had waited, despite his lack of patience, thinking that Jack would run until he cooled off and then return. He thought Jack just needed some time alone before they could talk about any more. He didn’t think he would be smelling the distinct smell of blood. That had sent him running, full on sprinting on all fours after the smell. He entered the tunnel that lead to Africa and ran blind. He kept running until the smell became too much, he got too close, and he slowed only so he wouldn’t pass him in the darkness. He had never needed light in his tunnels before, as he knew their twists and turns by heart. But now he wished for something, anything, to lighten his path.

He slowed down but that did not mean he stopped and that meant that when he found Jack he tripped over him and landed flat on his face into the dirt. Or well, the warm mud…and he was not going to think about that. Not at all. Bunny pushed himself up and looked back but he was met with darkness.

The smell of blood was sending his sensitive nose into overdrive and he was becoming nauseous from it. It was everywhere. Covering the tunnel in such a distinct odor that he couldn’t smell Jack at all.

“Jack? Ya gumby, ya betta answer me!” Jack didn’t. There was no other sound in the tunnel. Not even the sound of someone else breathing…

 


	4. Relapse Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter after Bunny finds Jack. Basically Bunny decides to leave Jack with the Guardians and oh boy, will that ever leave Jack hurt and confused and lead to a huge misunderstanding, but that's not this chapter... :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short but I'm having a lot of problems with Microsoft Word right now so it might be a bit for me to get longer chapters up. Sorry guys. Keep watch for new chapters and continue to enjoy. Leave comments and kudos.

Bunny would like to say that he had found Jack before things became serious. That he saved Jack from blood loss and took him to the North Pole for treatment long before things became serious. He would like to. Really. But that is not how things played out.

The ground had been soaked with Jack’s blood. He’d scoped Jack into his arms, trying his hardest to both push down the panic attack that was beginning to rear its ugly head once again and ignore the wetness of his fur. He didn't want to think about how hard it would be to remove the red stains from his coat or the smell from his Warren. He ignored it all and sprinted back towards the ever spring of his home and then to the correct tunnel towards the Pole. He did however, despite his brain yelling for him to ignore the curiosity, stop long enough to stare down at the small teen in his arms to check how bad the injuries were.  
He did not expect the gory scene. The flesh on his left arm had been torn in such a way that it looked like chunks of meat hanging off bone. In fact, Bunny leaned forward over the boy in his arms and retched at what he saw. Through the torn flesh and the blood and the muscle was Jack’s bone, crushed into breaking. Not a clean break by any means; it was crushed, smashed into two separate parts.  
The bile on the ground and the boy in his arms made Bunny want to just curl into his nest and never wake up. He wanted to dream, to go back in time to when Jack had been carefree and new to spirit-hood and had tried to get his attention. He’d go back to the fight with Pitch when Easter was destroyed and a child walked through him rather than be here right now. It was far too much.  
He sprinted to the Pole. He needed someone else to help him now. He thought that he could help Jack alone, that his biggest problem came from their relationship but he had clearly been wrong. Bunny couldn’t do this alone, he needed the other Guardians. But he hoped that Jack would come out of all this alright. Maybe years from now maybe a decade but he hoped Jack would live to be okay.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Bunny had brought Jack to Santa’s Workshop hours ago. The medical Yetis had sighed at the sight of him before scurrying around to find the tools they’d need to make him better. It had taken seven hours to patch up Jack’s arm. They had to cast his arm, sew up the flesh as best they could, wrap it and put salve on it. It was not a mess free job and Bunny watched from outside the room as one, two, three of the Yetis left the room with blood covered bodies. They each looked down, one by one, and directly huffed and stalked off to the wash basin. 

It wasn't that the Yetis were upset about the blood. Well, not in a blame-Jack kind of way. They simply hated to clean the stuff up. It was a hassle that took far too long. They were trained in medical arts and they knew the basics of psychology. The moment Jack had been taken to them with cuts on his wrists, the Yetis knew that Jack would be back. A suicidal person rarely stopped after so long of an addiction. And that’s exactly what it was. When things got too hard for simple thought, they needed something else to preoccupy their minds. Much like that of a nicotine addict, Jack was addicted to the pain as it would take away his more depressive thoughts.

Phil, the closest Yeti to Jack and the one who always threw the kid out in the past was the most upset. He’d told the other Yetis that Jack had been invited to come in whenever he visited and yet he’d only found out that a few of his charges had still denied the child entrance. He had been furious and punished them accordingly. He now wondered if Jack had been able to come inside those times he’d visited, would they be in the current situation?

Oh, how his head hurt now. Phil was not a medical yeti. Had no idea how the body worked or the mysteries to ones’ mind but he knew that Jack would not be an easy fix. He was far too gone to be one. Bunny had brought the kid in with such a rush of worry and guilt that Phil had worried more about his sanity than Jack’s at the moment and took residence beside the Pooka on the bench outside the operating room. Phil had tried talking to him but the Pooka simply refused to lift his head from his hands. He’d cleaned off the blood from his fur but it was dyed a dull rust red-grey mixture now and Bunny couldn’t stand to look at it. He avoided mirrors from the bathroom and took up the bench outside Jack’s room waiting for the news. 

North had called the others as soon as Bunny had arrived with a bleeding and unconscious Jack in his arms. After the nine hours they still hadn't arrived. Tooth had sent one of her fairies stating that she understood there was an emergency but she couldn’t leave. Kids were still needing her, almost as bad as ever, and she simply couldn’t leave her girls alone to deal with it. Sandy had sent a small robin to deliver much the same message. 

North, after delivering the messages to Bunny, plopped down next to him and landed a large hand on the Pooka’s shoulder. Bunny had refused to say what happened other than a chorus of, “I’m sorry,” and “It was my fault, I pushed too much.”  
Not for the first time North let out a sigh and thought to himself. _What more could they go through? How much more pain and suffering could they deal with? How much time did Jack have?_

"You know, is going to be okay friend. Jack is strong, with friends nearby, will be okay," North said solemnly. He squeezed Bunny's shoulder reassuringly but it didn't seem to help any. Bunny still looked down, his whiskers twitching and North suspected he wouldn't look up because of a the tears that must have been streaming into his fur. 

~~LINE BREAK~~ 

Jack blinked awake only to allow the blinding light to seer his retinas and squeezed them shut again. Nope, nope not doing that again. Jack thought. He wiggled his fingers only to find that he couldn't really feel his left arm. It was numb and to him felt like it wasn't there at all. It worried him for a bit until the memories came back. When they did his first thought was who found him and how much did he disappoint them.  
He wanted to get better. He didn't want to hurt himself anymore yet at the same time he didn't know how. How was he suppose to even bring up the subject?  
Bunny came through the door then. He looked horrid. His fur was bunched and somewhat rust colored and that only made Jack more confused until...oh, yeah. Blood. His fur still held the dried and stained remains of his blood. Bunny shook slightly and his eyes looked tired and yet frantic. 

The moment he spotted Jack his eyes lit up. It had been a depressing time waiting outside and Bunny had had his paws in a death grip with each other over Jack. He felt like this was his fault for pushing Jack beyond his comfort zone and in his mind he blamed himself over and over again. Even when North had placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. The thoughts never seemed to stop.

"Jack, mate. I was so worried 'bout ya. Don't ever---ever do that shit again," Bunny didn't spare a thought on his cussing, instead he made his way over to Jack's bedside, wobbly as a newborn kit, and sat on the edge of the bed. He went to lay a hand on Jack's waist but he suddenly questioned that move and chose to lean closer to Jack instead. "How ya feeling, mate?"

"Sorry," Jack replied. He absolutely refused to meet Bunny's eyes fearing that his eyes held disappointment and judgment. Jack was too scared to look. Deep inside he knew that he wouldn't be able to take it and would end up crying. He'd already cried in front of...well on Bunny before and he would not do so again. So was his resolve until Tooth came flying in with four of her fairies in tow, obviously one was Baby Tooth, and hugged him tightly; showering Jack with kisses and murmuring words of comfort. That is when Jack gave up trying to hide any of his tears. They rolled down his cheeks and he began to hiccup hard. He sniffled into Tooth's feathers while the baby teeth tried to catch every tear as they hardened and fell to the sheets below. 

Bunny wanted to do much the same for Jack. Longed for it in a way he would not think about, yet he couldn't. This was a time for him and Tooth and that was it. He was not needed after pushing Jack to this point...again. And so he left the room, a frown on his face and he raced back to the Warren to rid it of the smell and blood. He would leave Jack to the others. To the people who knew what they were doing; to people who could actually help Jack where he could only make it worse. He would not be the reason that Jack finally offed himself. He. Would. Not. Be. That. Person.


	5. Jack's Disillusioned  Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Jack has a misunderstanding about North and Bunny and Bunny is kind of stupid, but it's understandable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back back back, back again-gain-gain-gain. Tell a friend...Jk, I'm back with another story chapter. This one is also short, sorry, but having lots of problems with Microsoft Word so I have to use Wordpad which is somewhat infuriating. Ugh, enjoy though!

Jack awoke to the sounds of hammers and screams in a completely different language as well as grunts and jingle bells. He wondered how anyone, namely himself, could sleep through any of that. Everything was loud and raucous and it split his ears in half to listen to it even though he was sure he was at least up a flight of stairs from the source.

"No! Bah, just leave alone. I fix later." Jack pinpointed North. A small sly smile stretched across his face. What happened that made the jolly old North frustrated?  
There first came a sound of stomping boots and then a few curses before the door to Jack's room was thrust open and an upset looking North stared down at him. The smile instantly vanished and Jack quickly looked away. He wasn't necessarily sure why he did but deep down he just couldn't bring himself to look at the man that had quickly become a father figure to him. It just felt like Jack had failed North.

North, even though he could not pick up sarcasm and didn't understand slang, knew children far too well. He knew how Jack must have felt before, how he feels now, and so the one job for him at this moment...tell Jack he is still proud.  
"Jack, how are you feeling?" North asked. Jack didn't look at him, didn't even acknowledge the question beyond a shrug of his shoulders and a wince when even that hurt. "You are in pain?" North didn't wait for the confirmation before heading to the cabinet near the bathroom to grab vial after vial of different looking liquids. Jack gulped and could only watch as north brought them over.

"These will take away ze pain. Must swallow," North insisted. He reached for Jack's neck to tilt it back and help him swallow but Jack unconsciously flinched away from the movement. North recoiled quickly, realizing his mistake. There was an uncomfortable silence that followed.

"Sorry..." Jack whispered. His thoughts were so loud he didn't hear North whisper that it wasn't his fault and other words of much the same comfort. In his head his own voice screamed at him.  
What do you think you're doing? He was only trying to help you stupid idiot! It's North, he'd never hurt you. Although with all the shit you've pulled over the years doesn't he have the right? What did you ever do that warranted his care? Stupid, stupid, stupid! Look at the mess you're causing everyone!

North watched the conflicting emotions play across Jack's face in a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors. Anger, hurt, defensive, regretful. North saw them all and no matter what he tried to say to Jack, it seemed the boy did not hear him. He questioned the part of him that wanted to shake the boy gently fearing that touching the boy would send him into hysterics. It seemed yelling or talking loudly got him nowhere and that didn't leave much of any other choice. So he sat back and waited for Jack to calm and come back to himself.

It was a long wait. North had no idea what Jack was thinking but his expressions gave the basics away. He regretted something and that made him feel guilty and hurt and worthless. He feared something and that caused him to almost cry. North had a hard time not moving to sit with the boy and offer comfort.

"Jack, I will be back. Need other Guardians here." With that North walked out the room and down toward the switch of the Northern lights. He would need everyone's help with this. It was far too large a job for just him. The world needed the Guardians to protect their childhood but Jack needed them just a little bit more. And while North would not deprive the children of the world of their right to dreams and memories and hope and wonder, it was of higher priority that Jack not be denied the same any longer.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Not even five minutes later Bunny had popped up from a hole outside the fortress shivering and grinding his teeth in worry. North had Jack and the Northern lights were shining in the sky. That can only mean somethings wrong with his Frostbite---no, with Frostbite. Not his. What? Why did he think his?

Bunny was brought out of his disillusioned thoughts by the surge of negative degree winds blowing through his fur and chilling his skin. He shivered violently and took off for the workshop.

Tooth and Sandy were already there when Bunny burst through the door. Tooth flitted about with worried rage at North while Sandy tried his absolute best to calm her with pictures. Bunny ignored both, as well as the large Russian who tried to plead his case to his lover, in favor of searching out Jack. He forwent knocking on the door and just went on in.

Jack was lying in bed, tears at the brim of his eyes and silent. Bunny hopped over to him, slowly shaking his paw in front of Jack's eyes. He had calmed down at seeing the kid alive, breathing, and here. Bunny had been thinking the worst but seeing Jack had calmed his racing heart. Just a little.

"Jackie?" Bunny asked in a soft voice. Jack had had time to calm himself. To shut out the voices but that didn't mean that what the voice had said hadn't done a number to his self esteem. Everything that it said Jack completely believed. Years of hearing the same things over and over can do that. Hear it enough and it becomes real.

"Bunny?" Jack glanced over at the rabbit but his eyes seemed unseeing. Like they were focused on something far off rather than Bunny who was barely a foot from him. Bunny could not take that. He needed, desperately, to see the winter spirit that he knew Jack pretended to be. Bunny stiffened at the thought.

Did he really even know Jack? He was a depressed teenager who always faked a smile and a laugh so that everyone saw him as his center; Fun. But was that really him? No, it wasn't. Jack wasn't playful and trusting. He wasn't happy and carefree. He was never carefree. He was restless and sad and depressed and hurt. He was never okay.  
"Yeah, it's me. I uh, I'm right here," Bunny said as he reached out to stroke Jack's hair. The teen jerked back and inhaled loudly. His body shook like Bunny's had outside. Bunny inhaled and shifted back. Jack was scared of him. Jack. Was scared. Of him. "Sorry, Frostbite. I'll just---" Bunny took off. He shouldn't have come in the first place. The whole reason Jack was back to 24 hour bed rest was because of him in the first place. That's why he had given Jack back over to North.

Bunny shot from the room at full speed, bouncing off the walls and into the large living room with the other Guardians still fighting, only quieter. They all looked at him, Tooth calling out to him, but Bunny ran. He didn't stop when he reached the door, thankful that the yeti who had let him in opened the door in time for him to shoot out it. He raced far enough away to create a tunnel and promptly double tapped the ground. When the hole appeared he dove into it and vanished, leaving behind the beginning of a Bleeding Heart bush that slowly froze to death in the harsh winter habitat.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Jack stared dumbfounded at the door that swung on it's hinges nearly ripped from it's spot. Bunny had fled. Had he been so upset about Jack flinching that he'd given up? Maybe he thought Jack was too far gone to help. Jack didn't understand and that gave his darker side the chance to sneak back in. Think about it stupid, he tried to help you and you ran away from the touch. No one can help you, Bunnymund's just the first to give up on you. Is it really that hard to believe? Jack shook his head in answer. Bunny never did like him, always yelling. Jack looked at the blanket in his lap and tightened his fingers in it. Bunny had been better than Pitch at poking and prodding at his worst fears. Hell, he shoved and kicked them.

Jack curled into the blankets, throwing them over his head too and hiding for all he was worth. North walked out on him, Bunny ran from him as fast as he possibly could. Who did he really have left? He was alone...again. Again and again and again. Why did he continue to let his hopes get so high? Hadn't he already said he'd never let the Guardians in like he was doing now? He had felt, even if just on the surface, that this time they would really help but look at were he was at now. Alone, crying uncontrollably under the covers at the North Pole after Bunny ran and North walked out. To Jack that hurt the most. Even though he kind of really liked Bunny, in the like like way, he didn't have any hope that that would go anywhere and this is the final touch that killed that small, tiny, microscopic hope. It was that North, his pseudo father figure, had walked away. He was suppose to help kids right? Was Jack not still considered a kid? Or did North just really hate him that much?

He must. He was the one who wanted to help the most, allowed him to ask the questions because he knew Jack wouldn't be able to answer any. And yet, North have given up too. Had calmly left the room, shutting the door afterwards in a final touch that Jack was to stay there, and he would go back to ignoring him like they all had before. Jack hiccuped and swore as more tears fell. They hit the blanket to fast to freeze and Jack was slowly soaking the bed sheet.

He had to wonder though. When would Tooth and Sandy give up? Or had they already?


	6. The Staff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack has a very nasty voice in his head and a list. 1) Find his staff. 2)Die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, a decent sized chapter! Oh My! Comments inspire me to write more! Also I notice the names of who left kudos and some of them made me laugh and I just loved them so at the end of this chapter there is a shout out to those awesome names.

He was too mentally exhausted to care that Tooth came fluttering in and tried talking to him. He heard her, but was too tired to respond; too depressed to care. Because really, what was the point? She'd only give up on him too. Right?

  
Following her disappearance came Sandy who floated to Jack's bed side with a concerned smile. Jack hadn't moved for either of them and his eyes were closed, mimicking sleep. Sandy fell for it, how Jack didn't know, and left after watching him for a few seconds. Sandy looked back once more before closing the door.

  
This was as good a time as it was going to get. With Sandy and Tooth out doing their work, North going to bed and Bunny...well, wherever he ran off to, Jack was left with ample opportunity to leave. Why stay? What would the outcomes be? Jack's left alone at the Pole to twiddle his thumbs while everyone pretends that he doesn't exist. Bunny would never visit him and Tooth and Sandy would become too  _busy_. That isn't what he wants.

  
To be perfectly honest, Jack wanted a family that cared about him. Wanted to know that should he stay out late or not come back that someone would worry. Someone would become frantic and search. Jack wanted someone to cuddle with him far from the fire and laugh at his pranks. It all boiled down to the fact that Jack just wanted to feel loved. And time and time again he was shown just how unlovable he was.

  
He caused too much trouble or was untrustworthy. Was Irresponsible and carefree. Too loud and obnoxious, too depressive and self-conscious, too unbelieved in. He could never do things right, made a mess wherever he went. Screwed things up and pulled pranks all the time.

  
Jack Frost was a nuisance to all who new of him, and even those who didn't if you included the human adult population that was subjected to his pranks. No, no one needed Jack Frost around and so, why should he stay?

  
It hadn't taken long for Jack to make up his mind about his new attempt. This time he planned for things to go right, to actually end it before any of the Guardians could again decide that he was taking the easy way out and prolong his suffering life. He would go back to his lake and submerge himself below it's frozen depths. He would hold his breath until he could no longer in a final attempt at self punishment for all the wrongs he's done during his time as a spirit and only hope that every other spirit deems it fit and leave him be to drown, again under the same water he died the first time in. It seemed like a fitting end.

The only problem...Jack had to get to his lake. With his staff still missing he couldn't go anywhere. He would have to find it first. And that meant pretending to be okay enough that North let him out of his room to walk around. Well, if North even cared now.

~~LINE BREAK~~

Jack had taken a while to get out of bed. He still felt sore and tired and a little exhausted but he managed it eventually. North hadn't been back to see Jack that night and now that it was morning Jack wanted to get a start on his plans. His legs felt weak but he could use them, after all they weren't the ones with crushed bones. His arms on the other hand, despite the advanced healing from being a spirit and the time to rest, still weren't healed and caused Jack a lot of pain. He had to question if he'd even be able to hold his staff assuming he found it soon.

After making his way to the door and opening it (he noted how it swung just a little off kilter) he left, closing the door quietly as he did so. His feet slapped against the hardwood flooring but he figured no one would hear it over the bustle in the workshop.

He was right. He arrived at the balcony overlooking the base of the workshop and North's believers globe to find that all the yeti's were in full swing of making and testing toys. The elves ran around jingling their bells so loud Jack wouldn't' be surprised if North snuck up on him. He quickly looked behind him and pitifully laughed at himself for doing so.

It wasn't until he was looking over the railing at the expanse of the workshop that Jack had to question his decision. Did he really need the staff? Yes, yes he did and he had no idea where to start looking. Santa's workshop was huge! Jack sighed deeply before rubbing at his arms, cringing from the instant pain, and walking off to check room after room; closet after closet for his hidden possession. 

He had just covered the top floor when he began to hurt a little too much to continue walking. The pain originated in his arms but it quickly spread to the rest of his body that sometime midway around the top floor Jack had begun limping. He sighed and figured that he had searched enough for the day and headed back to his room. If he continued at this pace maybe it would only take a week to search the whole place. And if he was lucky he'd find it before then. 

The rooms he'd run across were all bedrooms of some sort and the infirmary stations. Half the floor was dedicated to white twin beds set on rickety rails with push trays around each one and cabinets with vials of liquids and bottle of pills and other things. Jack had quickly left those rooms figuring they wouldn't make a suitable hiding place considering it was mostly open flooring. The other rooms were like his, guest bedrooms. His staff wasn't hidden in any of them. 

~~LINE BREAK~~

North rubbed at his temples and sighed. He'd tried to work on designs but after everything that happened yesterday it seemed impossible. After leaving Jack and calling the Guardians over, Tooth had yelled at him about touching Jack and scaring him, as if it was North's goal all along and he had suddenly become the bad guy. North took no offense personally but he wouldn't not defend himself so he had argued back. Sandy had tried to calm them all down and the next thing they knew Bunny was dead sprinting for the door and gone before North knew what was happening. It had calmed Tooth enough to check on Jack followed by Sandy. North had been ready to enter the room after him but Sandy informed him that Jack had been sleeping and should not be awoken. So North let the kid be for the night. 

That did not mean that North slept. He tossed and turned all night long in his bed, replaying Jack's cringe in his mind and the last few days and when they had first found the spirit. His mind threw him into a nightmare of blood and gore and Jack, who caused it all. Eventually, somewhere around two a.m. North called it quits and rose from bed to pace near the fire in the lobby. He stared at the twinkling lights for a bit before sitting in his arm chair and burying his head in his hands and rubbing at his eyes. He had never felt his age but now, as he imagines human parents doing, he feels old beyond his years and ready for retirement. 

Well, not really retirement. He loves his job and would never stop being Santa Claus, but he imagined a time when Jack would come to understand their care for him and have self worth and love life. Where he and Jack spent time together.

North sighed heavier and closed his eyes. Yes, he felt far too old.

It was yet a few hours more of this moping before the yetis arrived from their rooms and began breakfast and toy making. North could not ignore it and thought to better use his time by making more designs. After breakfast. It wasn't an afterthought but it wasn't really a first thought when he told one of the yeti, who he's not even sure, to take a plate up to Jack's room before he went and locked himself in his office. He had no idea that that yeti hadn't heard him and therefore, did not take Jack breakfast. 

Now, far into the day already, North lifted himself from the seat behind his desk and decided to visit Jack again. He climbed into the elevator and rode it to the top. He debated knocking first or just barging in but it was quickly decided when he remembered his past with the yeti's and their inability to knock first.  
So, North lightly knocked on the door and waited for an answer. When he didn't get one he slowly opened the door only to see Jack curled in the bed on his side, sleeping soundly. He inhaled and exhaled slowly as a sleeper did and looked quite peaceful. North snuck back out of the room as quietly as possible, closing the door all the way, and went to sit and watch the twinkling lights on the globe again. It was somewhat of a favorite pass time of his. 

~~LINE BREAK~~

Jack awoke to sun. And lots of it. The blinds in his room had been pulled up and the window cracked at some point. He smiled when the wind blew through his already tousled hair but squeezed his eyes shut to avoid burning his retina's. Despite being the spirit of Fun and being playful Jack was not a morning person. Ever. It was an unspoken rule among all that knew of him and ignored him that Jack did not wake in the wee hours of the morning to do anything. At all. 

Jack pulled the covers over his head but the sheet was white and relatively thin and really didn't do much to help. He slowly opened his eyes a bit before closing them again and groaning. Jack repeated the process a few times before lifting the covers and again repeating the process. Once he'd accomplished the sun, Jack tried to sit up. Forgetting his injury he tried to prop himself up using his arms and promptly fell back down almost screaming at the sensation. His body felt like it was lit on fire. He bit his lip to stop the yell that emerged from his throat. 

Deciding on not doing that again, Jack rolled off the bed onto his feet. His legs gave out a bit at the sudden use and Jack had to catch himself with the bed. However, that caused him to use his arms which again hurt like hell. This time Jack couldn't hold back the scream and it echoed off the walls. He whimpered against the side of the bed and waited for someone to come racing into the room to check on him.

He waited...and waited...and yet no one came. There wasn't even an easy knock on the door. Jack laughed at himself.  _Of course no one came. You're forgotten already. What does anyone care that poor little Jack Frost hurt himself. Grow up._  The voice said to Jack. Jack only bowed his head and whispered to himself, "I can't." 

He died a teenager and he would always be no older than a teenager. Which means he's stuck in adolescence and hormones and angst. 

 _Does it matter? The Guardians would still hate you. You're nothing but an irresponsible brat with more issues than a human magazine._  Jack shakes his head in hopes that it stops the voice in his head. It doesn't.

_Stop that. It won't stop me. I have free roam in here to tell you all the ways you've messed up and why you're absolutely useless. No, worse than useless; It's like you don't even exist._

Jack heard Bunny's voice in his mind and suddenly he felt the beginnings of tears in his eyes. No matter how hard he tried to forget, the voice brought back all the memories of his worst times. The destruction of Easter all those years ago as well as the one of 2012; the years of pranks that lead to people being put in the hospital; the deaths that his snow and ice caused...He was monster. A murdering, selfish monster. He made the Guardians feel bad, yelled at them for forgetting him yet he killed millions a year and could hardly remember a fourth of those names. He sunk an entire ship after all and yet he complains that he doesn't get recognition for snowballs and fun times? 

Jack slunk further onto the floor, his knees bent and his bare feet facing each other behind him. His hands smeared the tears into his skin as he brushed them away. He was shaking and hiccuping again. 

 _God, look at you. So pathetic. How much can you possibly cry? Do you ever just stop? At least you're finally seeing the truth to your petty existence. You're nothing but a nuisance, a murder, who's too selfish to suffer alone for the tragedies that he's caused._  

Jack nodded to the voice in his head and held his breath in an attempt to stop the crying. 300+ years of it was enough. He would not cry for himself anymore. He didn't deserve to. 

With a shuddering exhale Jack stood and proceeded to exit his room. He was ready to search until his feet bled if it would let him finally end this. All he needed was his staff and then the Guardians wouldn't need to wrongly feel guilty. They wouldn't have to fake smiles and laughs just because he was around. They wouldn't need to act as if they liked him around. Because he wouldn't be. Today Jack would find his staff and today he would fly back to his lake. Tomorrow night, night of the new moon, Jack would freeze himself below the surface of his lake. His one regret, despite it being selfish, was that he wouldn't be able to see how MIM took the news that his failed creation had did him the favor of getting rid of itself.

~~LINE BREAK~~

His feet weren't bleeding but they were sore. His body hurt worse than it had a few days ago. But, on a higher note, Jack had found his staff hidden in a room at the far end of the workshop on the third floor next to North's bags/mountains of rejected toys. At first Jack had thought it to be a stick from some other toy. It had only caught his attention when a small patch of ice still on the crook shined in the light and Jack had grabbed it quickly. He used it to communicate with the wind, asking him to take Jack to his room.

Even without the staff that somehow channeled Jack's powers so that they could seemingly communicate with one another, Wind could still see and hear Jack. He knew the boys pain and his attempts to erase himself. Wind did not like it. He knew Jack would try something again, knew he had already done so, and was determined to stop it. Whatever the cost.

"Wind, I've missed you," Jack told the Wind as soon as he was set gently upon his bed. It creaked and the curtains on the windows shimmied from the breeze of a calm Wind. In response the wind tousled Jack's hair and swirled around him.

Jack didn't giggle as he use to. Didn't even crack on of those large full face smiles that always set Tooth off. Instead, he smiled a small upturn of his lips and puffed out a breath through his nose before sighing. 

Wind was confused at this. Even on one of Jack's roughest days he still smiled at Wind for his attempt at cheering him up. Why not now?

Wind asked as much. Jack had no answer to give. Of course he could always tell Wind, his only friend, the truth but then he would only try to keep Jack from accomplishing his goal. And at no cost could he afford that. 

"I'm really tired Wind. But I've never slept in a bed before and they bother my back. I really want to sleep. Would you take me back to my lake?" Jack asked. His lying skills were improving.

Jack grinned ear to ear like the Cheshire cat when the wind blew the window open farther and swirled around him in invitation to ride. Wind liked that this simple task could make his friend so happy. Of course he would take Jack back to his home. It only made sense that the boy would be homesick. He hadn't seen his lake in so long now. Wind was sure that the cold air and skating on his lake would make Jack feel better and so without a second thought to Jack's reasoning, Wind lifted him out the window and into the sky where the two flew off without anyone seeing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a shout out to amazing names of those who left kudos...
> 
> animeomegafan  
> ShippingWolfQueen  
> ActionsSpeakWordsScream  
> KyuubinoKitsune  
> warriorcat1313  
> skywright  
> ChibiTsukiHikari  
> LittlWingedWolf  
> DarkInuFan  
> CielUkePhantomhive


	7. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack thinks over some things. And walks in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SOOO sorry for taking so long with updating this (like a month) but I recently moved and I'm looking for a job and Microsoft is out of the picture again. Just so much stuff. But don't worry, I am back and will hopefully be updating this often. Enjoy the 7th chapter!
> 
> Yes it's super short but it needs to be here.

_I don't believe you'll really do it. How many times have you thought about it?  And how many times have you actually gone through with it? Exactly. You're still here._ The voice in his head laughed cruelly at him and Jack could only shake his head and breathe deeper.  _You're such a failure you can't even die right? How pathetic is that?_ Jack whimpered against the onslaught of words in his head. This hadn't been anywhere near where he imagined himself to be when he was alive. He'd pictured himself married and with a son or daughter at his little sisters wedding smiling at her as he walked her down the isle and gave her away. Instead he'd died in water, eternally damning his sister to wallowing her life away in guilt over his death and condemning himself to a useless afterlife and unable to die. How much he wished that scene could have played out differently 300+ years ago.

Jack would never wish for his sister's death. Wouldn't change a thing about trading spots with her. But oh how he wished deep down that the ice had been sturdier; that he'd had enough time to get off before it fully cracked. But wasn't that all just a pipe dream now? He died and was brought back by the moon to become such a hated creature and who was he to oppose the great Man In Moon about what he deserved? Maybe, had he grown up, he would have turned into one of those adults who hurt their kids or other people. How could he possibly know that Manny hadn't dodged a bullet by killing him then? Did he even kill him or just brought him back to give him a second chance?

Yeah right. If that had been the case wouldn't Manny have said more to him? Explained the powers he had and taught him to use them? No, Man In Moon did not care about him one bit and Jack knew that. Bunny absolutely hated him, and ouch yeah that still hurt to admit, but he still tried to help him. Time after time didn't Bunny come to him? Even if the rabbit chose to leave him alone soon after, he'd tried. And that in itself was already so much more than MIM had ever tried to do for him. Making him a Guardian was more a cruel joke than a favor. Jack would not believe, for a single second, that the Guardians couldn't have taken Pitch out on their own. Really? They were the big four for crying out loud! They beat him before. Beside, look back. What had Jack really done? Thrown a snowball in his face and ran. The children are the ones who saved Sandy and really brought down the hoard of nightmares. Sandy disabled Pitch and the remaining nightmares took care of whatever was left of the boogeyman. He hadn't really done a thing. 

Before that? Yeah, he used a high dosage of power to knock Pitch back but that was only once and Pitch learned to counter it soon enough. He was thrown around like a rag doll afterwards. 

In short: Jack didn't actually  **do** anything to help out. How was he possibly suppose to protect the world of children when he couldn't even protect himself from Pitch? 

_I told you you were useless. It's nice you're finally seeing it._

Jack stood over the frozen lake, head towards the sky, eyes closed as he breathed in deep. The voice was as loud as ever in his head and for once Jack refused to fight it. He breathed in deeply, expanding his small frame, hands gripping each other like anaconda's in the pocket of his hoodie. His staff lay discarded next to him, next to the large hole in the center of the ice. Jack opened his eyes and stared at the starry sky. Being away from big cities allowed for beautiful sights. It was sad that it took him this long to really enjoy them. The stars twinkling in the sky or the quiet of the forest cloaked in natural shadows. Yes, he liked this setting. It was the quiet that came from being alone and while he use to hate it he liked it now. How could he not? Being along right now meant he could do this and be done with it. He smiled up at the sky again and slightly gave thought to writing a letter to everyone. But really, what would it do? Explain how it was his choice all along and that no one should blame themselves. They probably didn't. What last words could he possibly say now? After everything they had done for him there was nothing left he could say. So he didn't write a letter. He didn't leave any trace of words behind him as he walked over the hole and splashed into the freezing water...

~~LINE BREAK~~

"He is gone again. This---all of this is a vaste of time. We can chase him forever and I see no difference in future." North scratched the back of his head and sighed. North had, on a spur of the moment decision, decided to take a peep in on Jack only to find his room empty and the window opened. He had of course first suspected Jack had jumped and promptly sent Yeti's by the thousands to check most of the entire North Pole. When that turned up no results, North had searched for Jack's hidden staff only to find it MIA as well as its owner. That had the old man scurrying for the Northern Lights. 

Tooth and Sandy showed up together, both a flurry of nervous energy and worry. It was simple to assume that if anything was wrong it involved Jack Frost. Bunny arrived shortly after, huffs and grumbles subdued for the moment. 

"Guardians, I fear ve need to stop," North said. He sighed heavily, leaning his head into his hands over his knees. 

"North, we can't! This is Jack we're talking about!" Tooth screeched. Jack was her baby. The son she could never have and she would rather suffer Pitch again than lose him.

"Open ya eyes, mate. We are the reason he's suffered this much. It's not fair to 'im if we jus' give up too."  Bunny paced back and forth in front of the fire. He screwed up a lot lately, and this time was no different. If they didn't go after him...he might never get to see the boy again. Never listen to that carefree laugh or feel of that ice cold skin press against his fur.

What the hell was he thinking?! He wanted what? More than friendship and family ties from the boy? No way. That...Did he?

While Bunny had his little brain melt down in front of the fire the others continued arguing about the next course of action pertaining to Jack. Should they go after him again? If they did what would be the point? Would Jack try to help himself or were they simply prolonging the inevitable? 

"North, I understand how hopeless this situation seems but we can't give up on Jack. Just like Bunny said. It's our fault that Jack feels like this. We can't just leave him be." 

"You think I don't feel guilty about it? I know Toothy. I know just how horrid ve treated him. But if this is what he thinks is ze only option...how could ve ever change his mind?" North seemed to shrink in on himself. He never wanted to be the one fighting for Jack's death but really, how much more would they go through to end at the exact same road?

"You can't possibly mean that," Tooth said, her hand covering her mouth.

Sandy did much the same gesture while also shaking his head. How could North, "Father" Christmas, think that letting Jack kill himself would be the option. No, never. Sandy would never allow it. How many times had he seen the boy fly around at night while he did his job only to find that the boy looked sad? How many times did he let the boy go without questioning it? No, this would not be one of those times when he let the boy wonder off. 

"TOOTH!"

"NORTH!"

"TOOTH!"

"SHUT UP! Guys, you can stay 'ere and fight it all you want but I'm going afta 'im. I-I think I might love the galla." And with that Bunny was off. He admitted it, the fist step, but he couldn't take the looks. He knew they gave them. They looked after him with confusion and...well, just utter confusion. How had that even come up?

~~LINE BREAK~~

"Jack!" Bunny had burst from his tunnel into the chilly air of Burgess with the name already on his lips and the air to carry it rising from his throat. He had to tell him. Had to let Jack know that whether he lived or died someone would care. He would care because by golly he loved the bloke. Not as friends or family but as mate material. Something he never thought he'd feel again and he wasn't going to let that pass him a second time. Not by death.

"Jack? Jack, I have things I really need to tell ya!" Bunny shouted into the night sky. Without the moon it was too dark to see outside and he stumbled his way over to the lake, only tripping on a few roots and rocks. He did run into a tree but if no one saw it then it didn't happen right? Oh he hoped Jack didn't see it.

Bunny searched with what little light he had but didn't see Jack anywhere. He saw the forest and the lake and...and Jack's staff...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada! Chapter complete. Hope you enjoyed. Leave comments!


	8. ~JackRabbit~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did Bunny make it in time? Will there be a happy ending to this? Well, there's an ending...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story has had it's downs and downs...but it's time for an up. Here is the very last chapter to Losing you Hurt, But Keeping You Was Harder!

Bunny turned in circles over and over again searching for Jack but no hide or hair of the kid showed. He knew Jack slept in the trees closest to the waters edge but even looking up failed to turn results. The kid simply wasn't there. Yet his staff had been and Jack went nowhere without it; that Bunny knew. If his staff was here, so was Jack. The question? Where?

"Jack Frost! I need ta talk ta ya. Please, mate---" Bunny wouldn't be able to call him that anymore without his brain screaming it's double meaning at him. "---where are ya?" The longer the silence grew around him the quicker he began to panic. Had he been to late? Was Jack already gone? Did he really just miss his last chance at a family of his own? Bunnymund's heart pounded in his chest, it's own silent but physical cry at the loss. Again he'd lost his chance and the knowledge hurt. He bent over and griped his chest fur roughly, pulling in an attempt to keep his ribs from restricting any further and crushing his heart. It didn't help. The pain was there and it refused to leave. 

"Oh Jacky..." Bunny whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut hoping that would be enough to keep the tears from falling. One dropped and then another and another. The ice held them up, pushed them back in Bunny's face as if taunting him for his failure and then the hurt he felt about it. He drove Jack away. How stupid was he? To bully the brand new spirit into submission, call him out on every mistake, hold them against him like crimes against a felon and then, when he could get no lower, feel no worse about himself, Bunny dealt the final blow. Had unintentionally blamed Jack for doing this to himself, for feeling left out and alone and hated. If there were anything he could take back, it would be everything dealing with his treatment to Frost. He regretted it, hated what he'd done and now it was too late to take back or change. Jack Frost was gone. 

Bunny opened his eyes and stared down at the ice below him. His feet had already gone numb some time ago and he was already shivering and his teeth chattering but he couldn't bring himself to fully believe Jack was gone. He was the Guardian of Hope after all. He held more hope than anything or anyone else. As he stared down at the ice something caught his eye. A circle. The ice held a bare ring in the ice, as if it had melted and then froze over again but with new ice. Oh...

"JACK!" Bunny let his instincts take over, he clawed at the ice until his nails broke and chipped and cracked. He slammed his boomerangs into the ice again and again until they too broke. The end result was a few deep gouges in the ice and bleeding paws. Guilt and shame warred their way onto his face as he slammed his fists on the ice. Yes it hurt, yes he hurt, but the pain would be worth it if he could just get to Jack. He had to still be under there right?

"Bun Bun?" Bunny was too entranced by his task to hear the voice. "Bunny?"

"Not now Frostbite, I gotta---I gotta get 'im out." He continued to pound on the ice, completely unaware of the boy behind him, clutching at his stiff, almost frozen, clothes and scuffling bare feet on frozen water.

"Bunnymund?" 

"I SAID---" Bunny turned around and stared. "---Jack!" It took him less than a second to stand and hug the boy. Yes he was wet, cold, shivering, and his eyes looked dead but  **he** wasn't and that's all that mattered.

"Jack! I though you---what happened? What did you try?" Bunny nearly shook him in anticipation. Again, he was not a patient bunny and he wanted answers.

"I tried exactly what you're thinking. But it didn't work. The water was just scary and I couldn't concentrate enough for it to refreeze around me. In my panic I kept melting it. After a few minutes I climbed out and just...gave up," Jack said. He sighed into Bunny's fur and breathed deep hoping that this moment would never end. He had day dreamed about this sort of thing countless times before in his 300 years of loneliness. Of course it didn't have a suicide attempt in it or him being wet but hey, technicalities.

"Oh thank the heavens above Jack. I---There's things I been wantin' ta tell ya." He pulled Jack away from him a little bit, just far enough to stare into those blue eyes that he only now realized he'd tried to duplicate the colors of. It dawned on him why blue was always on some part of every egg as of late. He had been trying to replicate the blue of Jack's eyes. And failed. Miserably. But staring into his eyes Bunny noticed how they lacked the shine and mischief they use to. Instead they just looked...dead. No, worse, hopeless.

"Jack Frost. I know we've fought. I know I've said some of the most gawd awful things to ya. And I know I sometimes act like I've got a stick up my rear end and it's mighty stupid that it took me this long to figure this out. But I love ya."

Jack had no words. Couldn't, for the life of him, bring himself to comprehend what Bunny just said. There was no possible way that his dreams were coming true now. No, he was dreaming and just needed a little pinch.

_Of course you're dreaming you idiot. You really think that after all the stupid shit you've done all of a sudden the giant bunny just realizes he's in love with you? That's some imagination you've got. Who in the world could love a mistake like you?_

Oh, the voice was back. Jack hated that voice but he couldn't deny that it often spoke of truths he just didn't want to admit to. This might not be a dream but no way would Bunny feel that way about him. Not in a hundred years.

"Bunny, that's not funny." 

"I'm not being funny ya bloke. I'm serious as a snake bite 'ere. I love ya. It just took me forever ta see it." 

"No you don't. How could you? We fight all the time. You're the one who called me a mistake and all those other things."

Bunny and Jack were too caught up in there feelings to notice the new audience they had adorned. North laid his arms around Tooth, both swooning over the two. Their child was in the middle of a confession and they got to see it. Sandy made a batch of sand-popcorn and proceeded to eat a handful and throw a handful in the air alternatively. 

"I do. I---Jack," Bunny grabbed his chin and tilted it up so they were face to face again, noses only inches apart. "I do love ya." Then he leaned down and kissed the bloke square on the lips. It wasn't deep and dirty but clean and chaste. Just enough to get his point across. Even though Pooka's weren't made anatomically for kissing humans, it didn't mean they couldn't.

When Bunny finally pulled away, he chanced a look at Jack who looked down right stunned.

"You just...you...just," The kid's poor brain was fried. Bunny couldn't help but scrunch his face a little 'cause that was darn cute. He smiled in a small upturn of lips and blew air from his nose in a small laugh.

"Losing you hurt Jack. And I know keeping you will be so much harder...but I want to try." He leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Jack's forehead. It seemed that was enough of a cue for Jack. He lept into Bunny's arms with a damn real smile on his lips and a laugh in the air. The others, still watching, screamed and applauded. Tooth couldn't make a sound however. She was stunned. Just this one thing and Jack already seemed back to normal. She knew he wasn't, wouldn't be for some time to come, but it would appear that Jack would be just fine.

~~LINE BREAK~~

And things were. Jack told the Guardians about the voice in his head. About how he saw himself and what he thought of himself. What happened with Pitch and how it started so long before that. Jack shared his feelings and allowed them to help him. It wasn't all an easy road. Nowhere near it. Jack had relapses where he would hide away in his room for days at a time. He spoke to no one and kept the door locked at all times. Didn't eat or venture out. But that was rare and when it was over Jack would smile and apologize, hug everyone and kiss Bunny. Oh, his relationship was going quite strong. Bunny doted on the spirit far too much but Jack never complained. He invited Jack to live with him in his Warren, told him stories of his people and took him to North's for his daily therapy session.

The road to recovery was long and so much more difficult than just letting the boy go, but every single one of them held not a single regret. They smiled every time Jack showed a little bit of his usual self and Bunny become less of a stick in the mud. North still felt guilty for ever thinking they should have given up on him. Jack deserved every ounce of effort they could muster, even if he still refused to believe it. 

Yes they had bad days, but as long as the good outnumbered them then what did it really matter?

Bunny smiled down at Jack who curled into his side like a kit to its mother, pecked him on the head and the two fell asleep. Tooth just happened to have a camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!!!!! 
> 
> Thanks for following me on this really long road. I am extremely happy with the way this story played out. I will be doing a one-shot like thing for pure JackRabbit smut that happens after Jack gets better in this story. For now I think I'll take a break from ROTG and work on a little more Sterek. Hope you all liked the ending, sorry if it's not what you expected but I like happy endings after a living hell. So there.


End file.
